1. A relationship is not a competition. Your crush may have an enviable, outgoing personality or an awesome sense of humor, but the important thing to remember is that you aren’t competing with your partner. You appreciate them for who they are, and they should appreciate you for the unique traits that you possess. “If you feel the relationship isn’t reciprocal, then you aren’t getting anything out of it,” says psychologist and author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last, Karen Sherman, Ph.D. Not everything has to be equal, but there should be a level of respect from both of you.

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2. Go after love instead of lust. Don’t let physical desirability rule all aspects of your relationship. Therapist and relationship consultant Crystal Rice suggests that “relationships that start with fire often end up an icy mess, as both partners realize that the key to making a relationship last has more to do with commonalities, shared interests, and similar conflict resolution styles than with chemical attraction (though that does help).” Substance is most important in the long run.

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