Moments With Mathew: Do You Really Want To Know Your Mate’s Past? (Blog)

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A heated debate erupted in my office last week, emotions ran high and voices were raised.  I had my opinions and my coworkers had theirs and after all of it was over, I am still not sure anything was solved (or at least agreed upon).  What was they debate topic, you ask? It was whether or not it was wise to know your mate’s past dating/sexual history.  All of this started from the now infamous video of Lil Wayne’s rant against the Miami Heat and what he said about Chris Bosh’s wife, if you haven’t seen the video watch it here:

So here is the argument in short:

Me: “If I were Chris Bosh and I didn’t know that Wayne had been with my wife before he said that nonsense, I would be pissed!”

Coworker: “Why? She’s not obligated to tell you what happened in her past.”

Me: “True, she doesn’t have to tell me everything, but I need to know if she’s been with someone who I know. I just don’t want to look like a fool if I’m in the same place as someone in her past and everyone knows they have a history except me”

Coworker: “I still don’t think she should have to tell because its human nature to compare yourself to the other person, there are only four instances where I think that info should be shared 1.If they have a kid together 2. if she contracted a STD from the man 3. If it’s a family member of yours or 4. If they are still involved with each other”

So after going back and forth over this issue, I decided to take it to the blog! Although I understand the opposite side of the argument, my point is simple: We all have pasts, but if your past has intersected with my past/present/future I don’t want to have a “Bosh” moment.  I have no idea whether Chris Bosh knew about his wife allegedly sleeping with Lil Wayne or whether the claims are even true but think about it for a second. If he didn’t know imagine the public and private embarrassment he went through to find out in that way.  Imagine if Kanye didn’t know about Kim Kardashian’s past and he just so happen to be on the internet and that infamous tape of hers popped up, now that Sh*t cray ain’t it ‘Ye?! Put yourself in that situation.  Let’s say you’re out with your significant other at a club and they bump into someone you mutually know, you notice that they are real comfortable with each other but you can’t be sure why.  Of course you would feel some type of way about that, that also is human nature.

I am a proponent of upfront information. It cuts down on confusion and also is a great tool to eliminate people who are not worth your time.  Now if you are a person that cannot handle the truth or agree that ignorance is bliss then I recommend not asking questions that you don’t want the answer to. I am not that person, I never ask a question I’m not ready for.  The downfall to a lot of relationships is a lack of communication and trust, so if my woman doesn’t communicate to me what I would consider relevant info (dating one of my friends in the past) then I may not trust her if I find out from a third-party because now I feel she was hiding something. Some may not agree, but this is my view. A simple “hey, I know we are going to Club XYZ, I just want you to know that John works there and him and I dated before” is all I ask. I don’t need to know what you all did on dates or how he had you swinging from the ceiling fan in the bedroom, now THAT is irrelevant info!

To my coworker’s point though, there are some of us who would not be able to get the image of their mate with someone else out of their minds. Naturally the thoughts of “was he/she better than me?” will creep into the mind and some people cannot handle that and may exit a relationship as a result.  This a valid concern, especially if you are dating someone you REALLY like and you are afraid of scaring them away.  Also, some people truly feel that their past is just that and completely irrelevant to you or your future together, again, to some this is a valid point. You shouldn’t judge (within reason) someone’s past, a lot of factors contributed to the decisions they made good or bad.  Hell, we have all made mistakes and by no means do I expect or want a woman who claims to be perfect.  So in the words of my coworker “what good does that information do for you?”

So I turn the argument over to YOU!! What do you think is the proper way to handle this situation?

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