Men are greatly affected by what women say, especially if the words are coming from someone they love. Without even knowing it, you could be telling your partner things that are hurting his feelings, his ego, and even his confidence. When talking to your man, think in terms of how you would talk to your best girlfriend because, even though your guy may seem tough on the outside, the truth is he is sensitive to your opinions. Here, I’ve rounded up a few relationship experts to provide tips on when to share your thoughts and when to hold your tongue.
1. Comparing Him To Other Men: It’s always a bad idea to compare your partner to another man, especially when it comes to money. “For men, being a provider is synonymous with manhood,” says relationship expert, author, and life coach Sujeiry Gonzalez. “He feels terrible when you tell him how lucky Mindy is because she got a Rolls Royce or how Samantha was flown to Greece overnight. Ease up on the comparing and bragging.” 2. Displaying Negative Body Language: Something as small as body language can hurt your guy if you’re not careful. Dr. Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist, relationship expert, and bestselling author of “Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secret,” says men can take women’s body language as an attack on them personally. “When women look bored, roll their eyes at something their guy is saying, or fail to make eye contact, it destroys his confidence. Also, when women don’t make the same effort they once did to look good, it’s shouting to the guy that they’re no longer hot for him and are taking him for granted.” So watch those eye rolls, ladies!
3. Using “But:” This simple word can be one of the most confidence-killing words ever uttered by a woman. How can these three letters have such a strong impact on a man? “It makes them feel like what they do for you is not good enough,” Gonzalez explains, “How many times have you caught yourself saying to your honey, ‘It’s nice, but…’? That ‘but’ hurts him. So what if he added too much picante to your chili? So what if he bought you the wrong dress size? He’s trying to show that he cares. Practice saying ‘thank you’ instead of ‘but.'”
4. Reiterating His Shortcomings: How many times have you told your man that you know he’s incapable of something and it’s okay? Don’t do it. “You may think you are being supportive, but your man wants to be everything you need,” shares Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, professor, author, and blogger. “A comment like, ‘I know we can’t afford a new car or a bigger apartment,’ may leave him wondering if he’s coming up short.”
5. Telling Him He Isn’t Needed: Houston matchmaker and comedienne Amber Neal believes this point is particularly important. “Men have a hard-wired need to be needed. If you make the mistake of telling your significant other that you don’t need him, he’ll wonder why he is even there,” she says. “Find the little reasons why you need him and make sure he knows what they are.”
