Things Brothas Do when You’re Not Looking

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    The fascinating, the gross, and the totally inexplicable things men like to do alone, courtesy of our spy, Aaron Traister. REDBOOK.

    How To Please Your Husband, According To The Bible (thumbnail)

    We clean our way

    Contrary to popular belief, we don’t live in squalor when you’re gone. Just because you “dust” the furniture doesn’t mean my way of “vacuuming” it is any less effective, and when you’re away I don’t even have to engage in a debate about it.

    We mess with your shower products
    Confession: I tried to use your exfoliating loofah. Which is how I injured my groin. Pro tip, dudes: Don’t try to exfoliate your groinal region. It’s gonna end badly.

    We get creative in bed
    Not like that. But if you’re gone overnight, there’s a good chance that your husband will take all the pillows and craft a new, comfortable “pillow wife” to sleep with, and he will be slightly disappointed when you return and complain about his toenails. Pillow Wife never complains.

    We let the kids brawl
    Have you seen puppies wrestle? Kids need that too-they’re like furless puppies. They need to be able to clobber each other under the watchful eye of adults who will make sure they don’t break anything too badly. Moms are less cool with this, and it doesn’t really work when one parent is stressing out; it makes kids feel awkward as they hit each other with small logs.

    We get lonely, okay?

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