Daily SMH: A Pimp’s Business Plan
by Andreas Hale Posted Dec 13th 2010 1:03PM
They say that you need to have a good business plan to start a good business. But never did we ever, in our wildest imagination, think a pimp would have a handwritten business plan.Every good business man needs a better business plan. But this right here? Just wowed us.
Youth Radio managed to get their hands on a hand-written business plan from a pimp during an investigation for ‘Trafficked.’ Yes, you read that right. A pimp has a business plan. But the plan isn’t the thing that makes us SMH, it is the contents of the plan that truly blew us away.
The pimp — who shall remain nameless for the sake of embarrassment — penned a plan to make sure that his business would continue to thrive. His appropriately titled “Keep It Pimpin” plan was written (I suppose pimps don’t have access to computers these days) to keep him on the right track. With bullet points such as “Take Care Of My B-tches More Better” and “Stack Money To The Ceiling” you can hardly hold in your laughter because you know that this guy is for real.
But wait, it gets worse (or better if you are looking for a good chuckle).
The pimp has a sense of fiscal responsibility as well. One of his bullet points say to “Minimumize [sic] My Budget (Cash, Cars, Houses, Etc)” which is a written reminder that he shouldn’t blow his stack on material items. But notice he doesn’t put down clothes. He even plans to go overseas with his business as he jots down “Set Up A International Operation (Have Five Hoes On Every Corner And Make Every Hoe Take A Vow To Hoeing!).” But in order to do that, he must “Attend The Players Ball In Vegas (Cross Country Pimpin! Establish My Name International!).”
Last, but certainly not least, the pimp knows that his image means everything. Which is why he writes “Keep A Good Photographer (Split Second Video Kings Flea Market)” because what good is a pimp if he doesn’t look the part?
We couldn’t make this up people.
Andreas Hale is the founder and editor-in-chief of TheWellVersed.com, a Website described as Spike TV mixed with MTV and a dash of Bill Maher. TWV is the home for intelligent perspectives on music, sports, politics, women and so much more.