Dealing With Divas

By Madeline Murphy

She struts into the room like she owns it, all pouting lips and flashing eyes. You know she’s probably more trouble than she’s worth, but you can’t help but be intrigued by her style and confidence. She’s daring, drop-dead gorgeous and dangerous. She’s a diva.

When dealing with divas, you’ll notice there are varying degrees of diva, from the woman who occasionally makes a catty remark to the rip-roaring diva who’s always in a tizzy over something. Basically, a diva can be defined as a woman who is self-centered, vain, overly dramatic, and confrontational. She’s always making a mountain out of a molehill, and trampling down the men in her life whenever it suits her.

Her spark of wit and energy are very attractive; her moody misbehavior is not. But can you have one without the other?

Definitely. Divas can change, evolving into kinder, more caring people over time. All it takes is a little patience and ingenuity on your part. By employing the strategies outlined below on dealing with divas, you can successfully defuse a diva.

Don’t let her walk all over you

The No. 1 rule in dealing with divas is simply this: Do not accept any disrespect from day one. This can’t be emphasized enough; if you allow her to run roughshod over your dignity with her pointy little stilettos even once, you better believe it will happen again and again. Curb the diva’s thoughtless actions right away.

For example, maybe you’ve just started dating and you notice that not only do you always pay for dinner, but she has come to expect it and never shows any gratitude. Don’t lose your temper or argue about it. Instead, one proper diva-defeating technique would be to nonchalantly take her out to Burger King one night. When she responds negatively to this, don’t bat an eyelash; just let her know that if you always have to foot the bill, it’s not going to be the Ritz every night.

Divas love to provoke their men, but don’t get drawn into their imaginary crises. If she calls you freaking out about some imagined offense you’ve committed and you know that her beef is absolutely unfounded, don’t react similarly. Coolly tell her that you’ll talk to her once she’s calmed down and is reasonable again — and hang up the phone. That should put an end to that game.

Pick your battles

We’ve discussed the importance of nipping bitchiness in the bud when dealing with divas, but does this mean that a guy should always be on “diva alert,” armed and ready for attack? Of course not. The name of the game when dealing with divas is picking your battles. Know the difference between small, everyday disagreements and unnecessary aggression, and respond accordingly.

Take the following scenario: If a woman often complains about one of your obnoxious friends, and he truly is obnoxious, it’s probably not worth the fight. Let it slide.

But if she’s unjustifiably picking on a good friend with little reason, stop her immediately. Arrange for him to drop by when she’s at your place and initiate a friendly conversation between them. If he’s being genuinely nice, she’ll have to admit it and drop most of her complaints about him. Under these circumstances, if she still finds fault with him, she’s clearly being unreasonable and is in the wrong. You win.

Be firm

It’s also important to remember that when you do decide to combat her behavior, you must do so with maximum force. Be firm, but never resort to using her diva-style dramatics. For example, if she’s pushing you to spend every waking minute with her, and you’ve already warned her nicely several times that you need a little more space, the “sudden strike” method would be to just flatly tell her that you’re spending the whole weekend apart, and then follow through. Those few days apart will help her come to the healthy realization that she is not the center of your universe. In response, she’ll be less demanding and happier to spend time with you in the future.

Here’s another example: Maybe she’s constantly late and you’re sick of it. Stop the cycle with a tough response. If you’re at her apartment waiting for her for the bazillionth time while she’s primping, tell her that’s she’s being inconsiderate, and just leave.

If she doesn’t show at a restaurant or elsewhere you were scheduled to meet, don’t put up with it. Call her cell or home phone and calmly tell her that you didn’t have all night to wait for her, so you left. It’s that simple.

Counter her attitude with niceness

Make love, not war. Sometimes a diva’s attitude can be adjusted quicker with kindness than opposition. Wield sweet words like weapons; they’re even more powerful. If your diva keeps making catty remarks about a pretty woman at the party, a good way to turn the conversation around would be to say something like: “Some women have to dress that way to attract attention. Not everyone is as naturally beautiful as you are.”

This strategy shouldn’t be overused or you’ll risk reinforcing her diva-ness. Occasional use is most effective; respond to her snarkiness with the correct ratio of kindness and confidence. Compliments are a bullet to the heart for most women, especially divas.

Walk away

Kenny Rogers put it best when he sang, “…know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” In some rare situations, you may come across incurable divas, whose poor conduct doesn’t even change slightly with time, regardless of your persistence.

These monstrous divas can be recognized if they do any or all of the following: they show no remorse, they refuse to apologize for their screwups, they never show an interest in your life, or they complain constantly. Look for bad behavior patterns, and if you see no progress in curbing your diva’s wicked ways within a few weeks, throw in the towel. This woman is unworthy of your time and energy — no matter how hot she is.

mission accomplished

When dealing with divas, keep the main rules in mind: don’t set a precedent, target specific bad behavior, be firm when you have to be, and use kindness effectively. Also, know when to hit the escape button. Divas are always challenging, but with any luck, you can train that tigress to act like a cute kitten.

Original Story

RELATED TAGS

dating Diva Love Tips The Quiet Storm with Kym Sellers