Guys Uncensored: How Men Get Over a Breakup
There’s a reason why we all think men are immune to the post-relationship slump—they are really, really good at hiding it.
By John Devore
When Seal started making the talk show rounds this week, most people were surprised at how calm and mature he seemed about his split from Heidi Klum. He even told Ellen DeGeneres that he’s keeping his wedding ring on because it makes him feel “connected” to his ex.
Of course, what he says in public and how he privately feels could be two totally different things. Even though guys usually play it cool after a split, what happens to a man after a break up depends on who did the breaking up.
If he did it, he’s sad for one-billionth of a nanosecond before he starts daydreaming about the new chicks he’s going to hook up with. If he’s the one who got run over by the dump truck, however, his post-breakup behavior is far different. Yes, psycho guys do psycho things. But normal dudes like Seal, who are saddened by the end of a relationship, focus on fighting that soul-crushing feeling—figuratively and literally.
Here, a guy tells us the real deal about what Seal is probably going through.
Fighting Back Tears
Some men like to say they never cry. Well, here’s the truth: We never let anyone see us crying. I was very in love with Jill (I’ve changed names here to protect the guilty). How in love? Our song was Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love,” because we were so crazy in love. (Shut up, it was adorable at the time.) After she broke up with me, I was explaining this to a friend at a bar when I had to grit my teeth and excuse myself. After I got home, I pulled the curtains shut and blared a heavy-metal album. Then I cried. It made me feel better, but only because I knew that my hot, manly, motor-oil tears were witnessed by no one.
Fighting Inanimate Objects
Guys often try to work through the pain of a broken heart by replacing it with the much more easily endured pain of bloody knuckles. I once had a meathead roommate who, after being ditched by a Keira Knightley look-alike, continually—and noisily—wailed on a punching bag he’d put up in our apartment. I have the soft hands of a writer, so I recovered from one particularly nasty breakup by living inside the game Grand Theft Auto IV for three weeks. I crashed cars and shot anyone who looked at me funny. Weird? Maybe. But it helped me vent chaotic emotions that I didn’t know how to process any other way.
Fighting to Win Her Back
When a guy realizes he’s let something special slip through his fingers—it generally happens the first Friday night he has no plans—he tries to fix it. He fails to see, however, that relationships aren’t broken door hinges. When Nicole dumped me, I was initially proud that I’d taken the news stoically, like a ninja. But then, after a couple of beers on my first lonely night, it dawned on me that I hadn’t put up enough of a fight. After a few more beers, I drunk-dialed her. I begged, I rationalized, I promised to fix the things that were wrong with me and with us—even though I couldn’t really tell her what those things were. When it became clear she wasn’t going to take me back, I told her I had one more question. Her response? No, she would not sleep with me one last time. I was far from over her, but her rejection finally got me thinking about the new chicks I was going to hook up with.
