Dear Blackman,

I was with a girl for 3 years and I just broke up with her because I found out that she had a one night stand with one of my best friends that I have known since childhood.

I had planned to propose to her and make her my wife. I am not talking to either one of them. I just lost the two most important people in my life besides my parents. This really is tough for me. They both have been reaching out to me saying that it was a “drunken” mistake and have been incessantly apologizing to me and begging for my forgiveness. I am conflicted because I am extremely angry and really miss both of them in my life.

I don’t know if I can forgive them. What should I do?


The Black Man:

Hi Jason,

I know that this has to be really tough for you to lose two influential people in your life under these circumstances. Despite the anger you have from their betrayal it is clear that you still have love for both of them. In most cases it would seem fit to just not speak to either one of them again and heal yourself to move forward with your life.

However, my suggestion is to really take the time to heal on your own and get clarity on how you can see yourself moving forward. I would create space from them now until your emotions can settle and you feel ready to have a conversation with either one of them.

If you feel you can’t honestly forgive them then I don’t see how you can accept them back in your life. If you can forgive them then you can explore the possibilities of how they can be in your life.

Make sure to do what feels right to you and take your time in figuring it out.

I hope this helps.