Love Analytix: Why Is My Relationship Complicated?
By Shirea L. Carroll on Oct 29th 2010 1:00PM
Rihanna and Matt Kemp. Ashanti and Nelly. Even Beyonce and Jay-z. Celebrities have become notorious at adamantly denying their romantic relationships, but are still able to vacation together, be seen canoodling and seemingly living life like it’s golden. However when us regular Joes find ourselves immersed in an unconfirmed relationship, we rarely yield the same results.
Our relationships inevitably fall into the gray areas of life where Facebook relationship statuses say, “It’s Complicated,” and conversations about your relationship begin and end with “We’re together but not really together,” or “Kind of.” And no matter how we try to rationalize these nebulousness affairs, non-celebrities don’t have the same reasons to hide or not claim their relationships. So what causes a man or woman to accept–sometimes for years–the “it’s complicated” moniker about their partner?
“Too many women don’t ask the question because they don’t want to lose the guy,” says Liz H. Kelly, an L.A.-based dating coach and author of ‘Smart Man Hunting. Truth is playing the claim game is only a challenge for the person getting played, and below are 5 reasons why your relationship is more complicated than you believe–and how to break the cycle.
1. You Give Ultimatums.
Forced love is NEVER real love. Deadlines, demands, and threats won’t move a person who doesn’t consider you a priority to be any closer. If a person loves you they are willing to tell everyone, and aren’t afraid to claim who you are in their lives. When individuals don’t, its speaks volumes about your significance.
2. They’ve Convinced You that “They just aren’t ready.”
Making any type of excuse for an person that doesn’t want to claim you is bad. Actually believing the excuses is far worse. If you are going to stay in this one-sided relationship, at some point you have to accept the person is content with leasing and not buying.
3. You Psychoanalyze the situation.
Trying to figure out why someone is doing something will drive a sane person insane. Instead of trying to figure out what relationship in the past affected them, or what’s the source of their fear of commitment – take things for face value. If they wanted a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you.
4. You End the relationship, and start it up again.
Actions speak louder than words. Being involved in something that isn’t fulfilling for you, then ending it only to make up and start the same non-committed relationship up again – weakens your words. Breakups become empty threats, and evidence that no matter if they claim you or not – you will stay.
5. Believe you have the power to change him or her.
People can’t change people. Hell people can barely change themselves. Only thing to do is to change your perception, and realize unconfirmed relationships only establish history, not real love.