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What Ex-Boyfriends Have to Do With Your Personality

 

By Danielle Kwateng, Glamour magazine

If opposites don’t attract, what does your current guy or even worse your ex say about your personality?

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See, I have this theory: I believe who you date, used to date—or even just hooked up with at the back of the club after three margaritas— has something to do with who you are as a person.

Now let me clarify (before you commenters grab the pitchforks). I don’t mean they say something about your character but more of your state of mind at the time. And I know it sounds crazy, given that some of us have had a few too many regretful make-out sessions or horrible ex-boyfriends. But think about it: Have ever you noticed a trend in the guys you’ve dated?

My first ex was the typical bad boy. I was starting high school. He was going to high school #2 for fighting too much. I liked Mariah Carey. He liked Mobb Deep. I was into writing. He was into shoplifting. You get the point.

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On the surface we were totally different. I never participated in the things he did for fun, but he did reflect my desire to be more adventurous. Each time I shook my head in disappointment, I subconsciously nodded his fearlessness. As wrong as his actions were, I co-signed them by hanging around.

In college, I liked the revolutionary-type. The guy at the front of the student rallies. The guy going from New Delhi to New Orleans to aid anyone in need. The guy so consumed with saving the world that he had little interest in salvaging a relationship and even less interest in getting to know me. I was always “Chasing Pavements” as Adele would say. I was searching for an ideal man, instead of being my ideal self. I needed the co-sign that I was worthy and wrongly expected that from another individual.

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As I got older, smarter and my taste in the opposite sex became more refined, I found the bad-boy and revolutionary-type guy less appealing. I attracted men who had a large dose of drive and self-respect, mixed with equal parts intelligence and cockiness.

Why? Because I had more confidence in who I was and what I wanted. I choose to date men who were going in my same direction–to the point where it became hard to hold a conversation with a guy who didn’t have these qualities.

As our recent post noted: Opposites don’t always attract. The UC Berkley study says to me that maybe it’s important to analyze ourselves, know who we are, be clear about what we want and then join the dating world.

It’d sure save us the hassle of having to reflect on more embarrassing ex-boyfriends.

Original Story