Mistake #1: Offering to Order Everyone Drinks from the Open Bar
It doesn’t look like a mistake. It doesn’t smell like a mistake. In fact, it seems like exactly the right thing to do: Who doesn’t love the lady with the tray of daiquiris? But according to contemporary research, when people do a favor for you, they tend to subconsciously justify their actions by assuming they helped you out because they like you. Plus, asking someone a favor makes her feel useful, which can be a generally pleasant sensation. So ask a new friend if she wouldn’t mind bringing you a vodka soda from the open bar, and watch a sudden warmth bloom between you. (It’s not just the vodka soda talking. It’s SCIENCE.)
Mistake #2: Connecting by Complaining
Sharing gripes is an easy way to bond-after all, everyone has so many-but what starts as an ice-breaker can quickly launch a snark spiral. You have the right idea, which is to find common ground. Say a co-worker at your new job mentions the way your boss only invites a few favored employees to eat lunch with her every day-a habit you’ve noticed, as well. Instead of saying, “And another annoying thing she does is…” try something like, “I’ve never been a big fan of the middle-school cafeteria, either. Actually, I was thinking of going out to eat, but I can’t decide where to go-do you know of a good place around here?” Something that acknowledges the complaints you share but redirects them in a more productive-or at least more neutral-way.
