“I’m too big to use condoms.” Let’s whip out the measuring tape, here and now. Because one of us is about to feel very smug.

“I always pull out in time.” To quote my older, wiser friend, “All men dribble before they shoot.” So, no, just no, you probably don’t.

“I just won’t finish.” Because you enjoy the painful sensation that is blue balls, right?

“It doesn’t feel as good with one on.” You know what else doesn’t feel good? Popping out a kid. Or genital warts.


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