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5 Rules for Pursuing the Friend of an Ex

by John Orvted

1. Question the friendship and its value

Cold as ice, I know. But you gotta do it. Look at their friendship. Look at your friendship with the ex. Give these relationships real valuations. And then read A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Twice. I’m not saying your ex’s friend has been waiting to pounce on you since the breakup, but hey, it’s a possibility. I’m not suggesting you cut ties or even judge those relationships in the negative. Just take a look at them.

2. Sh*t or get off the pot

If you’re going to go through with it, there’s no point in going halfway, or hedging. “We’ll try it for a month, and if she hasn’t forgiven us by then, we’ll break it off.” Sure. That sounds super. Except that you’ve already done the damage by that point. Might as well go for broke.

3. Realize that asking can be tantamount to doing

This is a rule for both you and the friend of your ex. Loyalty is tricky business. Read Othello. And check out King Lear while you’re at it. Sometimes the fact that you would do something seems just as bad as the actual transgression in a friend’s mind. Don’t ask unless there isn’t a doubt in your mind that your ex is going to say “yes.”

4. Plan ahead

I hate to sound so systematic when discussing feelings, love and whatnot, but this is a complicated game you’re playing. It’s like chess–think two moves ahead. If your ex is going to throw down ultimatums, head them off at the pass. If you think the new conquest is going to hedge once the ex gets feisty, make sure you’ve prepped for that. Remember, this is chess, not Clue. Who did it? You, dummy (hopefully in the bedroom, study, and other places too).

5. Make sure you don’t have ulterior motives

I’m being awfully scheming, suspicious, and cynical today, but seriously, ask yourself why you’re doing this. How important is it to you? Do you maybe want revenge on the ex (hey, weirder things have happened). Do you miss the ex? Are you following your heart? Or is something else motivating you?

Original Story